“I have learned to honor my feelings rather than stuffing them.”

Share your stigma experience.

I’ve had SAD since high school in the early 1980s. I ran across a book about it at the library. It rung so true to my experience. In those days, depression was hardly discussed at all. As I got a little older, I thought it had gone away. Now, I believe it just became much more manageable and not on my radar. As I got into my later 40s, I feel like it came back onto my radar, however, I chose to ignore it. I had quick anger flare ups, road rage experiences and during the dark, rainy and cold winters, it was much more difficult for me to function. In January of 2018, I lost my job. Partly due to depression I now believe. My stress levels went through the roof. Even though I immediately was asked to work for my brother and he really did need some assistance, it wasn’t a charity job. We were doing a trial run to see how it worked between us. Therefore, I was on unemployment and actively looking for a job. Jumping forward to March, I started having extreme insomnia, then anxiety, then depression at the first part of April. I did not know what was happening to me. Throughout April I started having these flashes of wanting to kill myself which kept getting more prevalent as the month progressed. On the 26th of April, I had my 52 birthday. My father is a retired doctor and that Friday he suggested very strongly that I find and go to a psychiatrist. That was my plan to do that next week. However, Sunday, April 30th I woke up, sitting in a chair and realized I really could not take feeling this way anymore. Not for another day and not for another minute.

How did you overcome this experience?

My husband walked out and asked how I was doing. I said “not very well” I’ve been thinking of harming myself”. I told him “I need some help, right NOW. I asked him to call my father, I’m guessing it was the suicide hotline. Would I go to the hospital? I said yes, and off we went! My doctor and I worked together to find medication. There were “classes” to learn a variety of coping skills for dealing with our illnesses. I finally left 2 weeks later on meds, a plan and with a feeling of hope again.

Help others by sharing a brief, positive message.

2 years later I am on medications. I work for my brother and enjoy the job. I have learned to honor my feelings rather than stuffing them. I went to college with John Moe and am proud of him for speaking out.