“Please talk and share.”

Share your stigma experience.

Some of my story remains unknown to me because of treatments which blocked out much of my memory for a period of time; other parts of my story are vivid in my memory. Let me begin by sharing one of the most telling facts, I attempted suicide at one point. I remember feeling so depressed and so depressing that I finally convinced myself that my family, friends and the world would be a better place without me in it. My attempt caused expenses which included the fire department, a couple of ambulance rides to 2 different ERS, a surgery to my broken leg and a hospital stay. As I was sedated, I don’t remember what other treatments were necessary. It also resulted in anxiety to my loved ones and lost work time. I had physical therapy, a cast, a metal rod, a wheelchair… Then there were the years ofthe loss of my career. There were still many more things that followed.

I was unsuccessful at holding down full-time employment. Eventually, I applied for Social Security and received it after a few years, but not in time to save our home or my retirement fund. My daughter told me that she was surprised my youngest son would even acknowledge me anymore because of comments I’d made to him during this time. I was apparently a very rude and obnoxious person contrary to my personality when I am being effectively treated for my depression. My memory loss was huge. I forgot that my brother passed away. I forgot that my son had been married and divorced. There were many other things I don’t remember except that I was told by family members, friends and read in my medical records. I’d lost any hope that there was help for my health issues. I suffer from chronic pain, fibromyalgia, arthritis and more. I have tried many treatments for these conditions, with little success. Many in my family suffer from bi-polar disorder, depression and alcoholism. Even in a family with so many known issues, it’s often hard to discuss our mental health disorders.

How did you overcome this experience?

Ketamine treatments are a huge help in my battle. My oldest son, who doesn’t believe depression exists (but suffers from it) admitted that I am much better. My daughter says I am back to being the mom she used to know. The treatments help with my pain and helped me regain the capacity to continue to try to improve my health through exercise, massage, etc. After being on disability I recently went back to work full-time.

Help others by sharing a brief, positive message.

I hope to start a self-help group for those who receive ketamine treatments or those interested in our experiences. Please talk and share.